Inappropriate knitted items ahead!

Jill P,

I have a lot to catch you up on, like the Hissy Knits sale, the HomeGirl Cafe SnB and the Topanga Banjo and Fiddle Festival. But I’m too eager to share a recent project with you. So those will have to wait for another time. Everyone who knows me, knows I like knitting not only ridiculous, only-queued-by-me-on-Ravelry garments but also stupid little toys and stuff. I’ve been all hot and heavy over the Penis Chapstick Cozy that was making the rounds on Ravelry. I thought it would be the perfect special occasion gift for a fellow knitter of ours. But after spending a few hours making one last night, I kind of thought maybe this other knitter wouldn’t love it the way I do. (What’s that about selfish knitters, Debbie?) So I decided that I was just going to have to keep it for myself. But then this evening I realized that it would be the perfect gift for my friend Michelle who I’m going to visit in Seattle next week for her birthday. But I didn’t want to give away mine so I decided to make a second one. I’m now very tired of knitting penis chapstick covers, but am endlessly amused with taking pictures of them.

So tada!:

I got the pattern here. I used all stash yarn. Knit Picks Merino Style in Nutmeg and Patons Cha Cha for the hair. I already had the Cha Cha from making my “Snatch Pack”. The two cozies used less than half a ball of the Merino Style and very little Cha Cha. My main modification from the pattern is that I added the hair. I experimented a few ways. First I tried to use both yarns together but it was too bulky, especially for the M1s. The second try I just stuffed a plain teste with the fur and pulled tufts out with a crochet hook. That worked okay, but not great. The winning method that I used for the remaining three balls was carrying the fur in my left hand and stranding it behind the plain yarn the whole way around. The yarn would sometimes pull to the front, but mostly the eyelashes would just get caught in the stitches, revealing the right amount of hair. The testicles were definitely the most time consuming part of the pattern. The shaft I could make in about half an hour.

Enough with the chatting and let’s get to the pictures already! These little guys were getting into sooo much trouble.

Finding their way into tight spots:

Trying on Adrienne’s glasses:

I was able to snap this elicit tabloid-style photo. A still-life!:

More kitchen fun:

Then they started playing with all my toys and magnets:

I wonder if they get the Newspeeper from the Peeps Fan Club too?:

And last but not least, chilling out with the Wolfman and the Eraserhead baby:

The sad thing is I only stopped taking photographs because I ran out of room on my memory card. I probably could have kept this up for days. I just thought of a really good one, but don’t want to go through the whole uploading deal again. *sigh*

Before I made these, my coworker came up with some great ideas for modifications, that were extra dirty and may have involved foreskin. But I think the simpler the better. Now they’re kind of cute while they could have been grotesque. I hope no one was offended by the pictures!

I’ll have an update about actual knitting and events later.

Jill B.



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7 responses to “Inappropriate knitted items ahead!

  1. I should have saved reading this post for after work because I am in pain from keeping a lid on my hysterical laughter. These things are better than I ever could have imagined. I must have one for my trip. How much is it going to cost me to bribe you to make one for me in the next three days? Actually, you might have to teach me how to make them because I bet my British friend Tom will steal it from me. He’s such a dirty bird! I hope you’re bringing them to show at SnB tonight!

  2. These covers are a hoot! Esp. like the fun fur!

  3. Rachel


    Gosh, I needed that.

  4. Kelly

    Is there any way you could make me one of these and i will mail you $. Pleaseee, my friend would love this and I have no idea how to knit

  5. Kelly

    Is there any way you could make me one of these and i will mail you $. Pleaseee, my friend would love this and I have no idea how to knit! please!!!

  6. My mother needs some balls. Thank you for this. I love the furry. And the function.

  7. Lisa

    I LOVE IT! How wonderfully funny~cute~charming…I’m a knitter and I can tell you that all my friends will be receiving one of these this 2012 holiday season!

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